


Nothing New

by SideshowSvetlana



Category: The Simpsons
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 15:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SideshowSvetlana/pseuds/SideshowSvetlana
Summary: Boys like boys like girls do. (Nothing new)





	Nothing New

Usually, Dolph Starbeam looked forward to house parties thrown by his friends. This time was different. Not different than some other times in the past, that is to say. This time, his best friend and crush, Jimbo Jones, was bringing along his current girlfriend, Nina Larsen. Dolph didn’t like Nina. He actually considered not going to the party, knowing she would be there. The fact that she asked out Jimbo before Dolph had a chance to aside, she was very lazy and manipulative. Whenever she didn’t get her way, she pretended to cry and play innocent, threatened to break up or withheld sex. Dolph’s other two friends, the pretty but not helpful Svetlana Zhang and the helpful but not pretty Kearney Zzyzwicz, also didn’t like Nina very much.    
  
“I saw her take $20 from my purse!” Svetlana complained the day before the party, “When I confronted her, she did the thing where she pretends to cry. Then I punched her and she cried for real.”   
  
“And watching them slob all over each other is pretty disgusting,” Kearney said in agreement as he looked at Dolph, “Honestly, I’d rather watch you and him feel each other up. At least I won’t have to worry about either of you getting each other pregnant or something. I just know she’s gonna poke a hole in the condom one of these days to get him to marry her."  
  
Dolph wasn’t sure what to make of that comment. Was it a compliment? Was it a hint that Kearney had some sort of plan to get rid of Nina? Dolph didn’t have much time to dwell, he was at Jimbo’s house. He rang the bell and Jimbo answered, looking quite happy to see his lifelong friend. He pulled Dolph into a brief one-armed hug before going back to doing last-minute preparations with Nina. Svetlana was already there setting up her dessert.   
  
“A grocery store cake?” Dolph asked in disappointment when he saw her dessert, “I thought you were making candy apples!”   
  
“I did,” Svetlana grumbled, “But I made the candy coating too thick and it’s impossible to bite into them. My mother tried and it nearly pulled out her crowns. I got yelled at. I brought them anyways, maybe someone can eat them.”   
  
Dolph was only half listening to her, he was too busy watching Jimbo strip out of his shirt down to his swim shorts. He wasn’t very subtle in his staring, but he didn’t care at the moment. What could he say? Jimbo had a really nice body. Many things about him could be described as nice, except his girlfriend. Hell, even Jimbo was starting to fall out of love with her. The other day, he complained that Nina was starting to become more demanding than usual and got mad when Jimbo wanted to spend time away from her. The relationship was stressing him out, it seemed, but he hadn’t broken up with her yet. It looked like he was pretty close to dumping her, which gave Dolph new hope.    
  
Other guests started arriving at the party soon and Nina went away to talk to her friends. Jimbo was talking with the other four bullies he hung out with, but Dolph wasn’t really paying attention. He was thinking about the past few weeks and how Jimbo seemed to be dropping hints he had a thing for Dolph, too. He’d called him cute, he wanted to hang out alone more, he confided in Dolph before he said anything to the other two, and he didn’t mind when Dolph fell asleep on him that one time (had it been Kearney, Svetlana, or Nelson, he would’ve shoved them off). There was also those looks he'd been getting lately. The looks of longing. Like Jimbo was trying to tell him, _I don't think she's right for me. Remember that night when we were drunk and I said I'd date you cause I think you're hot? I wasn't joking. Save me from this girl!_  
  
It's true. One night when he, Jimbo, and Kearney were drunk, Jimbo confessed that he found Dolph hot and actually considered going out with him, sometimes. Why not? They'd been friends their whole lives, practically, so they knew pretty much everything about each other. Plus, Dolph wasn't as needy or picky as some of the girls Jimbo had gone out with. And their friends would be okay with it. Before Dolph could say he returned the sentiments, Jimbo passed out from all the booze in his system and the subject was never brought up again. Now, maybe wasn't the best time to think about that. He was supposed to be listening to his friends complain about the apples.  
  
“Maybe we should try cutting the apples,” Svetlana suggested, still not sure what to do with the inedible treat she made.   
  
“I tried that,” said Nelson, “Knife wasn’t strong enough.”   
  
“How ‘bout we wrap ‘em in tinfoil and then smash ‘em with a hammer?” Kearney piped up.   
  
“You might break the counter,” Jimbo protested, “And then my mom’ll kill me. Hey Dolph, what do you think?”   
  
“About what?”    
  
Before anyone could answer, Nina came stomping over holding a bowl of chips.   
  
“JIMBO!” she screamed, “I said my friends and I wanted unsalted! These are covered in salt!”   
  
“I told you to bring what you wanted!” Jimbo snapped back at her.   
  
“You should know what I do and don’t like by now!” Nina huffed, “Now run to the store and by the chips I like.”   
  
“You get them yourself!”   
  
They shouted back and forth until Jimbo left, fed up with her whining. He went outside to sit by the pool and everyone else chose to stay inside. They all knew by this point to avoid Jimbo when he was angry. Dolph thought Jimbo was more upset than really angry. Should he offer some form of comfort? Should he just leave it alone and not interfere? No, it was his job as a friend to comfort a friend in pain. As a friend and nothing else. Ulterior motives at this time probably weren’t appropriate. With that in mind, he slipped outside and sat next to Jimbo.   
  
“Hey,” he said, “I’ve never seen you get into a fight that bad. How are you doing?”  
  
”How do you think I’m doing?” Jimbo snapped.  
  
Dolph said nothing in return and there was silence between them until Jimbo remembered he was mad at Nina, not his friends.  
  
”I’m sorry,” the older of the two sighed, “It’s just that... I think I should break up with Nina. We’re not right for each other and she stresses me out. But I don’t wanna be alone anymore, y’know? There aren’t many single girls left in Springfield.”  
  
”You’ll find someone,” Dolph said, “It shouldn’t be too hard for someone like you. You’re tall, you’re hot, you make people laugh-“  
  
”Are you coming onto me?”  
  
”What? N-no! I’m just trying to cheer you up-“  
  
“Relax, I’m just messing with ya.”  
  
Jimbo pulled Dolph into a one-armed hug to reiterate his point. Feeling comfortable with the situation, and like he wouldn’t get punched or something, Dolph responded by resting his head on Jimbo’s shoulder. Jimbo made no moves to shove him away, so he must’ve been okay with it.  
  
”Y’know,” Jimbo said after a few seconds, “You’re one to talk. I never see you with a girlfriend or anything, and I have no idea why. Hell, I’d go out with you.”  
  
”You would?” Dolph asked, figuring Jimbo didn’t remember that confession he made that night he was drunk.  
  
”Yeah, why not? You’re cute, you’re smart, we have fun together, as I far as I know we’re not related...”  
  
“You really think so? Then...why didn’t you make a move on me before?”  
  
”I dunno. Going out with a dude? It’s so...weird for me. I’ve never gone out with a dude before.”  
  
“Y’know how Zhang always says, ‘Don’t knock it ‘til you try it’? Well...that.”  
  
”NOW I think you’re coming onto me.”  
  
”...Well, maybe I am.”  
  
Dolph moved out of Jimbo’s hold and shifted his position so that he was facing the other boy. They both moved in to kiss each other, when Nina yanked Dolph away by his hair and threw him into the nearby concrete trim of the garden. Dolph sustained a few cuts and bruises to his face, but was too dazed at the moment to notice.  
  
”ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” Nina screeched at Jimbo, “Of all people, HIM?! How could you do this to me?!”  
  
”What the hell did you do to him?!” Jimbo yelled back at her.  
  
”Look at me,” Nina growled, “Not him! You’re supposed to be my boyfriend, and I find you about to make out with some loser guy!”  
  
”Shut up! Shut up right now! You’ve been nothing but a sucky girlfriend. You’re dumped!”  
  
”I suppose you’re gonna run off with that guy, now?!”  
  
Gathering his wits and shaking off the initial shock, Dolph ran up and gave Nina a hard punch.  
  
”What the hell are you doing?!” Nina screamed, “You can’t hit a girl!”  
  
”You hit me first!” Dolph retorted, “This is self defense!”  
  
”You boyfriend-stealing freak! I’m gonna mess you up-OW!”  
  
Something came flying out of the house that hit Nina on the head. It was one of Svetlana’s rock-hard apples. Nelson, Svetlana, and Kearney, were throwing them at her as a distraction.  
  
”Run!” Kearney called to his friends, “We can hold her off!”   
  
While Nina was distracted by the fruit being thrown at her, Jimbo and Dolph snuck inside the house so Jimbo could take a look at Dolph’s injuries. They would heal in a week or so, and Dolph appeared to be fine.  
  
”I’m sorry,” said Jimbo, “I had no idea she was gonna attack you. I dunno why, she’s awful. I really shoulda known.”  
  
”It’s not your fault,” Dolph said honestly, “Thanks for sticking up for me.”  
  
”Don’t mention it.”  
  
They stood there in a slightly uncomfortable silence for a bit.  
  
”About earlier,” Dolph finally said, “If I weirded you out or something, it won’t happen again. I just wanna tell you I’ve had a crush on you for the past three years and-“  
  
Dolph didn’t get to finish his sentence because Jimbo leaned in and kissed him on the lips. After recovering from the initial shock and excitement of his crush kissing him, Dolph kissed back. It was light and tender, conveying all the feelings without saying a word. They pulled away for air and just stood there with their arms around each other.  
  
”So...” Jimbo started, “What are you doing tomorrow at 7?”  
  
”Absolutely nothing,” Dolph answered with a small smile.  
  
”Great, then we’re having dinner at The Pimento Grove. I’ll pick you up at 6:30.”  
  
They exchanged good-byes and Dolph went home to relax after all the excitement he just went through. All he could think was that he was very happy he decided to go to the party.

**Author's Note:**

> You can also read it here: https://sideshowsvetlana.deviantart.com/art/Nothing-New-744204936  
> The plot of this music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0MT8SwNa_U But genderbent.  
> Also, I image this song being like Dolph's inner monologue after the drunk night: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ad7ejBn3KSQ


End file.
